the red suitcase

In my continued effort to rid our house of unused items, I recently sold a large red suitcase. This particular monstrosity had been sitting, unloved and dusty in one of our upstairs crawlspaces for the entire time we’ve lived here – seven years. A decade ago, I bought the suitcase to take on a months long stint at a Bible school in Northern England. This was to be the first of my many adventures. Though I was young, I’d convinced myself that marriage and a family were not what God had in store for me. I’d never been the type of girl that guys seemed all that interested in, and I had resolved to pour myself into this time away from home and over the next few years earning my bachelor’s degree once I returned home. That trip was truly life changing for me. I grew closer to God, made friends from around the world that I am still in touch with today, and learned a lot about myself.

I had many dreams about taking that big red suitcase with me on all kinds of adventures. Maybe I’d live and work abroad after University! Italy, Paris, Greece…they were all calling my name. The world was my oyster. Isn’t it funny, though – just when we think we’ve figured things out, God surprises us. Shortly after I came home from England, my now husband began to try to pursue a relationship with me. I say “try”, because I didn’t make it easy on the poor guy. In all sincerity, I believed someone had dared him to ask me out. I wasn’t interested in any kind of relationship at this point and was feeling pretty confident in the life of singleness I felt God had laid out for me. Over the next two years (yes, two long years) I slowly started to let this guy into my life. We finally started “officially” dating in the spring of 2009, and were engaged six months later. I was finishing up my degree and had grand plans of changing the world with those letters that would stand behind my name.

We bought a house and were married the fall after I graduated, and I spent the first months of our marriage looking for work in my field. Things didn’t seem to be aligning for me, career-wise, all that well. I felt lost and confused as to why God would want me to earn a degree I was having trouble putting to use. A mere seven months into our marriage, we found out we were “unexpectedly” expecting our first child. I still vividly remember falling to the bathroom floor looking at that positive pregnancy test. Mixed in with a bit of excitement were definite feelings of fear, and even anger. This wasn’t the plan! We did everything “right!” But God. He knew better.

Our first little spitfire entered the world with a bang, and in the span of the next four years, we welcomed two more babies. And there, that suitcase sat. Collecting dust. I’d look at it wistfully every few months, lamenting the fact that it wasn’t being used. I loved my kids, but longed for adventure. As much as I was thankful for the life I was living, looking at that big red suitcase stirred up feelings that I now know were not of God. Space is limited in our home, and eventually, I decided the suitcase had to go. A buyer was coming to pick it up, so I dragged it downstairs and dusted it off. I turned my back for a few minutes, and when I returned to where I’d left it, I heard a giggle coming from inside of it. My second daughter had crawled into it and was laughing hysterically.

“Take me on a trip, mommy! Take me on a ‘venture! I fit inside!”

By now you know that I take my time figuring things out, and apparently, God needed to give me a pretty obvious visual that spoke into what I was feeling about letting go of that suitcase. It hit me hard and fast:

They are my adventure. This is my adventure.

This life that I feel is anything but adventurous is exactly that. Even though my days feel mundane, I’m exactly where God wants me to be. Even though most days, I feel like I am doing a poor job at mothering, He’s uniquely equipped me for the work of raising up tiny people for His glory. It doesn’t matter that I’m not using my degree. It doesn’t matter that I’m not flying across the world, saving souls. The unseen work within my own walls has deep value.

Don’t get me wrong, this has been a lesson I’ve had to continually learn and re-learn. One I need to remind myself of daily. Sometimes hourly. When it feels like all I am is a butt-wiper extraordinaire, who happens to have a BA, I need to remind myself of the truth of who God says I am. That I’m called, that I’m loved, that He’s given me everything I need to love my family well. That when I fail (daily), I’ll always be able to rest in His love for me. No matter what letters are behind my name or what title is on my office door.

Live your adventures well, friends. There is wildness and beauty in the everyday. Notice it and treasure it, even when it’s hard.