on confidence and bravery

I’ve never felt like a particularly brave person, and if you asked me a year ago, I would have laughed if the word “confident” was used to describe any part of me. But the God who made me has slowly been telling me, quietly been showing me otherwise. He’s been using both people and circumstances to call out those qualities in me in a way that I never expected.

A large part of me always believed that bravery and confidence had to look a certain way. And whatever those things looked like, I definitely wasn’t “it”. I didn’t feel like I looked the part enough to lead, didn’t speak eloquently enough to facilitate, and wasn’t bold enough to bring about change. But I’m slowly learning that bravery isn’t a fixed concept. Its fluid, and can look like many different things. It looks like running scared sometimes. It’s feeling fear, and letting God use that fear to fuel and push you.

A little over a year ago,  a dear friend of mine asked a small group of women, myself included, to take over the leadership of a group for mothers that she had brought to life at our church a few years prior. This group, and her leadership, had been such an immense blessing to me, that it was hard to picture the way it would run without her. But she saw qualities in each of the women she asked to take over that we didn’t necessarily see ourselves. I didn’t feel qualified or equipped in any way to lead, but I trusted my friend, and was trying hard to believe that God had this all figured out. Our first weeks leading without her were hard and scary. And a thing of true beauty. It quickly became clear that we weren’t going to lead exactly like her. And that was ok. We felt the group thrive and grow and continue to be a place of rest, love, and connection for weary mothers in our community. And it has been that, and so much more. We have seen friendships grow and deepen in a space where we love without an agenda or a plan. We were given feedback about the group recently that was more encouraging than can be put into words. And while things aren’t always perfect, we very clearly see God in the midst of this group of equally imperfect mothers.

Ann Voskamp says “ Fear can be what we feel – but brave is what we do”. I love that, and have found it to be true. God has used my stepping into a leadership role when I didn’t feel qualified or ready to bring about a quiet confidence I didn’t know was hiding underneath fear and insecurity. Beautiful things happen when we let Him show us the way. I’m learning that bravery looks like surviving long days with young kids. It looks like opening my often messy home to others when it would be much easier not to. It looks like helping in our church’s mid week program, even though I feel ten shades of awkward singing and dancing with wild little kids in the sanctuary. Bravery looks like hard and holy work.

I’m also reminded this week of the power of calling out bravery and goodness when you see it. This morning, I ran to the store to pick up a few groceries. On my way back to my super cool mini van, I saw a young mother trying to wrestle a toddler in the throes of a full blown tantrum, into her car seat. It would have been easier to walk right past her without saying anything. Instead, I came up to her as I was putting my cart back, looked her in the eyes, and told her that she was doing a good job. That I got it. That I’ve been there. That this is hard work. Her eyes brimmed with tears as she said “thank you”. Just as hearing that the group I’m helping to lead is viewed in a positive light meant something to me,  I’m trusting that my words to this mama will have the same effect. So my challenge to you is to call out  goodness and bravery  the next time you see it in the mundane moments of your day. God only knows how much your words may impact someone.

How much I underestimated Jesus. How much I underestimated myself. How much I now know that he can use even me. Me, who never thought she could lead. Me, who never felt brave.

He’s showing me I can. He’s showing me I am.